Fave Fives XXVI: Sports Nicknames

As a man who has adopted (and adapted) my childhood nickname as my one true everyday label, I have a special appreciation for nicknames.  Especially in the sports world, where they can find their roots in fanatical adoration or enemy insults.  Here are my faves:

1. Earvin “Magic” Johnson:  My favorite basketball player of all time was truly a magician with the ball.  His nickname was so fitting that the world pretty much forgot about his real first name.

2. Charles “The Round Mound of Rebound” Barkley:  A.K.A. “Sir Charles”, I think “Round Mound” is just the funniest one out there.  Fitting, too.

3. William “The Refrigerator” Perry:  Back in the 80’s, 350 pounders weren’t very common in the NFL.  I love the fact that you can take this name a couple ways: he was as big as one; he spent lots of time opening one.

4. Jerome “The Bus” Bettis:  Big, powerful running back who’s uniform was black and yellow.  Awesome.

5. Randy “The Big Unit” Johnson:  At a menacing 6-10, Johnson truly was ”The Big Unit” on the mound.  This nickname gets extra points just for being really cool.

Fave Fives XXV: Knock Knock Jokes

Wow, this is a big one!  The 25th Fave Fives list (I think I’m easily on my way to 30; might as well go for 50!).  Thanks to Daniel over at Dashprod for enlightening me on the unique and lesser known holidays. Today, Oct 31st, is not only Ol’ Hallow’s Eve, it is also National Knock Knock Jokes Day!  So, we just gotta do it….

1. Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Interrupting Cow
Interrup–
MMMMOOOOOOO!

2. Knock knock!
Who’s there?
I Diddop
I diddop, who?
Eeeewww, gross, you did a poo?

3. Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Little Old Lady
Little old lady, who?
I didn’t know you could yodel!

4. Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Boo!
Boo Who?
Don’t cry, it’s just a joke!

5. You: Will you remember me in 1 second?
Someone Else:Yes
You: Will you remember me in 1 minute?
Someone Else:Yes
You: Will you remember me in 1 day?
Someone Else:Yes
You: Will you remember me in 1 year?
Someone Else:Yes
You: Will you remember me in 1 decade?
Someone Else:Yes
You: Knock, Knock
Someone Else: Who’s There?
You: YOU SAID YOU WOULDN’T FORGET!

Fave Fives XXIV: Cereals

Thanks to reader and youth group alum, Zaza, for the great Fave Fives idea! The BBQthDirector is not a big cereal eater anymore, but every so often my top choices are:

1. Cinnamon Life: Seriously, head and shoulders above the rest. I can eat massive quantities of this.

2. Life: Wyoming Missions Team members will know this as “His Life for Mine” cereal.

3. Cinnamon Toast Crunch: I guess I really like cinnamon in my cold cereal.

4. Honey Nut Cheerios: Growing up, this was an every-once-in-awhile treat. We usually had to deal with the rather bland and boring regular Cheerios.

5. Cocoa Puffs: I don’t think I’ve had this since I was a kid, but the draw of your regular milk turning into chocolate milk still sounds great!

Pillsbury Pun

Most people groan in disgust, but puns really crack me up.  I thought this would be a fun addition to my Foodie Fodder:

THE PILLSBURY DOUGHBOY DEAD AT 71

Veteran Pillsbury spokesman, The Pillsbury Doughboy, died yesterday of a severe yeast infection and complications from repeated pokes to the belly. He was 71.

Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, Betty Crocker, The Hostess Twinkies, Captain Crunch, and many others.  The graveside was piled high with flours as longtime friend Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy, describing Doughboy as a man who “never knew how much he was kneaded.”

Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with many turnovers.  He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes.  Still, even as a crusty old man, he was a roll model for millions.

Doughboy is survived by his wife, Play Dough. They have two children and one in the oven.

The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.

**The BBQthDirector didn’t write this; if you know who the author is, let me know and I’ll gladly give them the credit they deserve.

An Astronomical Waste of Money

As a nation, we’re broke.  There are complaints left and right about budgets cuts over here and additional funding over there.  Many claim that the recession is over, but unemployment rates continue to skyrocket while the real estate market remains very shakey.  We’ve seen stimulus packages do little to coax people into buying plasma screen TVs and bailouts fund posh executive get-togethers at luxury resorts.  So what’s the natural progression?

Ares I-X.

NASA’s 327 foot rocket is slated to replace the aging Space Shuttle fleet, which is, supposedly, retiring in 2010.   The hope is that Ares I-X will be able to ferry astronauts to the International Space Station, and, eventually, to the moon.  It is on schedule to be completed in 2017.  The Space Station is scheduled to be de-orbited in 2015.  Okay, I’m no rocket scientist, but something’s very wrong here.

Speaking of wrong, Ares I-X was supposed to take a test launch today, but some clouds are delaying that until tomorrow.  When, and if, it launches, the whole test will take about two minutes, with over 700 sensors on-board measuring a whole bunch of stuff.  The cost?

$445,000,000.

Our tax dollars at work.  Gotta love it.  Goodness, folks, I’ll take another stimulus package!  And this time I’ll buy that plasma TV for the good of the country.  I promise!