Skeletons In My Smoker

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You may keep them locked up in your closet, but they’re in the BBQthDirector’s BBQ smoker.  We sing the chorus “Remember not the sins of my youth”, but my youthful mischief continues to haunt me.  My conscience burns within me as hot as Texas mesquite.  I need to get these off of my chest and out into the open.  I must confess:

1.  I have peeked during prayer at church.  “Every head bowed, every eye closed….”  As a kid, I just couldn’t help it.  I thought of myself as the “peeking police”, catching those who would defy the preacher’s orders.  Ironic, I know, but someone’s got to do it.  And a kid’s got to know who’s getting right during the invitation!  Don’t worry, I’ve grown up.  Some.

2.  I cheated in “heads up, seven up” in elementary school.  I have lived the mantra “Losing Is Not an Option” for a long time.  This is pretty much where I honed my stealth peeking skills.

3.  I purposely picked the girl I liked while playing “heads up, seven up”.  Yeah, it was a bummer for those rainy days to take away kickball or dodgeball.  But every cloud has it’s silver lining.  And this silver lining gave me the opportunity to pick the cutest girl in the class!  **insert sheepish giggle**

4.  I once had a crush on a cartoon character.  C’mon, cut me some slack, it was Daphne from the old skewl Scooby Doo cartoon.  And I was, like, seven … or seventeen or something like that.

5.  I told my classmates that Brooke Shields was my aunt.  This was way back in the second or third grade.  And everyone believed me!  Think about that.  I’m filipino!  Morons.

6.  I used Sun-In in my hair.  Once.  Back in high school, I just wanted to see what I would look like with brown-ish hair.  I think I looked pretty good.

7.  I hit a girl.  She was a fifth grade bully and she was ugly.  Popped her right in the eye.  Oh, and I was in the second grade.  That’s a pretty important piece of information.

8.  I used foundation.  Once!  It was picture day in the eighth grade and I had a hugongous zit right smack dab on the tip of my nose.  A few people asked if I was sun-burned that day.

9. I have worn black tights.  Once.  Okay, it was actually three times, but it was for performance purposes, not a fashion statement!  I was seriously into Shakespearean Theatre back in high school and my role as Demetrius in “A Mid-Summer Night’s Dream” demanded them.  I actually liked wearing them.  I now wear them every Sunday.  And, of course, I’m kidding.  Seriously, it’s a joke, please don’t go spreading rumors.

10. I used to think Tony Roma’s served good ribs.  This is the most difficult one to ‘fess up to, as faithful readers of BarBeQuethMinistry! know my disdain for parboiled or oven-baked ribs that are passed off as BBQ.  I am indebted to Famous Dave’s for showing me the light: real hickory smoked BBQ!

Okay, folks, I did it and so can you.  I feel so liberated now, so at peace with myself and my fellow man.  Confession is truly good for the soul.  Those of you who don’t floss regularly, here is your time to come clean.  Have you ripped off that warning label on your mattress?  Snacked on boogers in kindergarten?  Snacked on boogers in high school??

Get those skeletons out of your closet.

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14 comments so far

  1. S.J. on

    Wow Jay.
    I don’t know if I can associate myself with you anymore… This is… this is big!
    Oh well. I’ll cut you some slack. Plus, you already know all of my deep dark secrets, so I guess we’re even now.

  2. Renae on

    Okay so I was cracking up! I really enjoyed this post. Maybe I will have to pull out some skeletons also! 🙂

  3. Becka on

    Let’s see.
    1. I often peek during prayer. Not necessarily looking around, but i have a really hard time keeping my eyes closed that long – sad, I know. The only time I can keep my eyes closed is if I’m the one doing the praying or it is a short prayer. I like those people who pray looking up to the sky – that would be much easier for me.
    2. I ripped the warning label off my mattress, pillows, blow dryer (I AM careful about not putting it in water), and other various appliances.
    3. I once cut my sister’s bangs for picture day and they were so hideously short. She looked ridiculous. Well, good thing it was her and not me!

    There might be many more things I can confess, but i don’t want to write a post in the comments! 🙂

  4. jaynepomuceno on

    S.J. and Renae, c’mon, come clean…

    Becka, I cut my sister’s bangs, too! I think Josie took her best picture ever the very next day. And there’s got to be more prayer peekers out there. But I doubt there are any as a slick as I am–I mean, was.

  5. Renae on

    1. Okay so I open my eyes during prayer in church but I keep my head down. The reason is because I get dizzy when standing with my eyes closed.
    2. When we were younger Rebekah and I had ponytail twisties cut our hair…to this day my mom doesn’t believe us.
    3. I use to hid books under my pillow so I could read it after my dad checked to make sure I had gone to bed.

    There Jay are you happy! 🙂

  6. James Burrow on

    Clinton and I skipped Wednesday night church because we didn’t like Chris Chadwick at the time who was preaching in the main church, so us junior-highers couldn’t meet in the separate building up the hill. So we skipped and went up the hill anyway. Of course having that whole building to ourselves for an hour and half gets us thinking mischievous thoughts. We found a couple cases of packets of mustard, mayo, and ketchup. 🙂 “Ketchup-bombed” and “mustard-bombed” and “Mayo-bombed” the youth room like crazy! I liked to draw and was good at copying a certain emblem that a certain senior higher,we also did not like, always drew at school. I drew it nice and big on the wall in ketchup and mustard to pass the blame. Hilarious at the time but we felt real bad when we found out which college students actually had to clean it up. Sorry Clinton, brought your skeleton out with mine lol

  7. janet2000 on

    I used to “double dip” all the time.

  8. Robby on

    1.i do peak during prayer alot… but i only look down.. i just have a hard time keeping my eyes closed the whole time.
    2.i broke our churches window and didn’t confess. dont worry jay it was my OLD church and i was a lil younger. lol
    3.i lit a whole load of laundry on fire and “got rid of the evidence” lol.. (i am not proud of that moment but it had to be done!) 😛

  9. jaynepomuceno on

    You bad, bad people. James, you’re the worst. You guys never got caught?

  10. James Burrow on

    Never got caught officially. We got snippets about what the message was about through other youth so we could have a story of just being somewhere else in the auditorium after not having enough time to get to our section once the service started. It was the black nike sermon so wasn’t too hard to play off. Pretty sure one of your sisters was one of the clean-up crew Jay. That’s what we heard anyway and made us feel bad. don’t know how we didn’t get caught or in trouble, unlike a certain someone spraypainting a certain girls bathroom carpet ahem….! 🙂

  11. jenmarie on

    Oh wow, I remember that Black Nike message, lol.

  12. Becka on

    Me too, but because I was actually listening to it, and not painting a room in ketchup and mustard. lol

  13. jaynepomuceno on

    Funny thing, one of the older folks in the church thought he was preaching, “Would you wear black nighties?” Yikes! Turn up your hearing aid!

  14. jenmarie on

    lol, wow, that’s awesome. ha ha


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