Fave Fives XXI: Chuck Norris Jokes

chuck-norrisI’m a child of the eighties.  That means I grew up in awe of Ronald Reagan’s wisdom and toughness and Mr. T’s bling and utter awesomeness.  My biggest fears were nuclear annihilation and not having enough Aqua Net hairspray to hold my hair up.  Luckily, I had the Cosby Show to comfort me every Thursday night.  And the original Transformers every afternoon after school!

Then there’s action hero Chuck Norris.  He was pretty cool back then, but I don’t think anyone could’ve predicted the legendary status he has taken in the new century.  He has become the epitome of “man”.  I get a kick out of reading the shirts that honor the master of the round house kick.  Here are my Fave Five Chuck Norris Jokes:

1.  Chuck Norris doesn’t do push ups.  He pushes the earth down.

2.  When Chuck Norris crosses the street, the cars have to look both ways.

3.  If you have five bucks and Chuck Norris has five bucks, Chuck Norris has more money than you.

4.  Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors.

5.  Chuck Norris counted to infinity.  Twice.

6.  Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

7.  Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin.  Its descendents are now called Giraffes.

8.  Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water and make it drink.

9.  When the bogeyman goes to sleep at night, he checks under the bed for Chuck Norris.

10. Chuck Norris can gargle peanut butter.

11. Chuck Norris can grate parmesan cheese with his beard.

12. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas to bed.

13. Chuck Norris has already been to Mars.  That’s why there are no signs of life there.

14. How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris?  All of it.

15. When Chuck Norris goes swimming he doesn’t get wet.  The water gets Chuck Norrised.

16. Chuck Norris can make a Fave Fives list have 16 items.


13 comments so far

  1. Renae on

    That is great! 🙂

  2. Becka on

    There is no such thing as tornados. Chuck Norris just hates trailer parks.

    Chuck Norris is the reason that Waldo is hiding.

  3. Kelli on

    So….do you like him or hate him?

    Do me a favor? Make my kids committ to you that they are taking me to Famous Daves Sunday for my birthday???!!! But don’t tell them I asked you to force them, I want to be surprised!

  4. Daniel Ashton on

    The reason why Baskin Robbins only has 31 flavors is because Chuck Norris doesn’t like fudge ripple.

    Chuck Norris doesn’t have a chin behind his beard…he has another fist.

  5. Robby on

    go to google.com and type in.. find chuck norris.. and then click am feeling lucky. its pretty funny lol.. and nice pic jay! aha

  6. jaynepomuceno on

    Kelli, Chuck Norris can force your kids to take you to Famous Dave’s! But I’ll do my part.

  7. Becka on

    Matt’s entry:

    They were going to drop Chuck Norris and Jack Bauer on Hiroshima and Nagasaki, but decided that it would be too inhumane.

  8. Daniel Ashton on

    chuck norris never sleeps… he just shields the world from his gaze

  9. ocnative on


    chuck norris can sneeze with his eyes open

    chuck norris doesn’t wear a watch. he decides what time it is!

    the soviet union broke apart after they watched a delta force marathon

    there are no steroids in baseball, just players chuck norris has breathed on.

  10. runnerforchrist on

    chuck norris CAN believe it’s not butter

  11. jaynepomuceno on

    Awesome, folks! Thanks for sharing!

  12. lonestarpreacher on

    chuck norris can touch mc hammer

  13. jaynepomuceno on

    **picks self up off of floor after truly LOL-ing**

    And I have a new fave! Just awesome, lonestar. Keeping with the M.C. Hammer theme, I have been inspired to write:

    Chuck Norris is too legit, and he CAN quit … not that he would.

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