McGwire’s Shocking Confession

After a storied career putting up legendary numbers, Mark McGwire has pretty much become the poster child of Major League Baseball’s steroid fiasco.  In 2005, McGwire essentially asserted his Fifth Amendment right not to incriminate himself before the House Government Reform Committee.  Testimonially, he remained silent.

But his Popeye arms were screaming, “Juiced!”

Finally, McGwire has come clean.  Though never having tested positive, he has admitted to using steriods at different points in his career.  More than likely, it is true that Jose Canseco did the friendly deed of injecting him.

In related news, the planet Jupiter, obviously inspired by McGwire’s new found transparency, has also made a public confession.  After millenia of speculation, a news conference was called to confirm that Jupiter is indeed the largest planet in the solar system.

“I’m glad to finally put that controversy to rest,” said Ganymede, Jupiter’s largest moon.

Reports are emerging that yet another big announcement is in the works.  Vapor, the publicist for Water, has agreed to an exclusive interview with Katie Couric.  Could our fragile hearts be able to handle the shock of learning that water is … dare I say it … wet?

C’mon, Barry Bonds, your turn.


6 comments so far

  1. Renae on

    lol… you crack me up! 🙂

  2. Becka on

    Jupiter is the largest planet? I had no idea!

  3. jenmarie on

    Come on, Pacquiao has to go first, lol. Supposedly McGuire (he says) wanted to “come clean” in 2005, but was advised by (?? I forget who, agent, lawyers?) not to…idk.

  4. runnerforchrist on


  5. zaza on

    looking forward to that interview with water. i’ve always wondered where it really came from. i mean is fiji water better than colorado springs? and is smart water better than “stupid” water? is there stupid water? and arrowhead, dasani, aquafina finally have to come clean. =) oh the questions will finally be answered! perhaps water is not truly “wet” rather it is the absence of “dry”

  6. Becka on

    LOL, Zaz!

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